180 Seconds by Jessica Park

Author:Jessica Park [Park, Jessica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781503943360
Publisher: Skyscape
Published: 2017-04-24T18:30:00+00:00

CHAPTER 19

RELIVING

I lead him out the back door, and he walks with me numbly. The wind is bitter tonight, and I pull his coat closed, because he doesn’t seem to notice the cold. When we get back to my room, I sit him on the couch.

“Do you want a drink?” I ask.

He’s slumped over, looking at the floor. “No.”

“Okay.”

Esben shakes off his coat and tosses it on the floor. “Actually, yes.”

After some rummaging, I pour him a shot of what’s left from Steffi’s visit, and he waves away my offer of lime and salt and shoots the tequila straight. I sit next to him and wait. He takes two more shots and then leans forward and rubs his face.

“I spoke with Kerry,” I offer gently.

He nods from behind his hands.

“She’d like you to tell me about the painting.”

“No. I can’t.” His voice is level and sure. He’s not messing around here. “I don’t want you to hear this, Allison.”

“You’ve heard all of my stories. All of my pain. Let me hold some of yours.” I am overtaken by how I am only now considering that Esben’s past may include anything but love and ease. It’s only tonight that I realize that no one gets through life unscathed. Not even Esben. I was blinded by what I saw as his untainted life, his unfailing positivity. But even the best and the strongest are penetrable.

“I don’t want you to hear this because I screwed up, okay? I screwed up so bad. So unforgivably.” The break in his voice is gutting.

“I can’t imagine that’s true.”

“It is.” He clearly sees this as an indisputable truth—and he leaves little room for argument.

“I understand that this is impossibly difficult, but it would mean a lot to Kerry.” Sobriety would probably be a smart idea, but I take the tequila and swig a shot straight from the bottle. “She was very clear about that.”

He says nothing for the next few minutes, then takes another shot from the bottle before sitting back.

“When I was a junior in high school and Kerry was a sophomore, I dragged her to a party at some kid’s house. His parents were away, so everyone was hyped up about it, and it was this big, drunken scenario. Kerry didn’t really want to go, but I’d told my parents that we were going to a movie, and I convinced her to come. The girl I was dating, Jenny, was going to be there, and I wanted to see her someplace without parents around. So, we go to this party, and Kerry was clinging to me, because she didn’t really know anyone there. And I didn’t care that she was my sister who I’d thrown into a new and shitty situation.” He sighs. “All I could think about was hooking up with Jenny. So, I called over a couple of seniors that I barely knew. I thought Kerry would be into talking to older guys, and they were good-looking and popular and all that. And she did seem to like them.

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